party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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