It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
