i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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