I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
