shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I deserve this hangover.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
