Dual....:-)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
