Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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