oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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