1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
