you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Your tits are I can't wait for
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
