Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
