This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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