Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
