porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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