I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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