a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
