i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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