i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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