I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
