I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The uberlube is also flammable
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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