Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
