Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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