U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
