she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
