Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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