tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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