i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
