She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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