did you get engaged???
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
