Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
