ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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