I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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