so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He kissed a someone with a penis
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
