I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
