Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
