the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
