just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
