the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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