Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
