Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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