Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you made out with another girl for some wings
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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