when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
