She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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