ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need to calm my uterus...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
