if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
