I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
