So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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