She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
