nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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