good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
