I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
