Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Naked Twister starts at high noon
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
